Friday, December 11, 2009

A Year in the eyes of Khloe Ann

It doesnt seem like a year. I remember when we first found out we were pregnant. We were surprised ( as surprised you can be when you were trying), but excited. I had a feeling we would be having a girl. The constant nausea for the first 12 weeks was my first indicator since I never had that with TC. Time seemed to fly by. Then the day we went in to have her was the most blessed day we have ever experienced (next to the day TC was born). Unlike TC's Birth, Khloes was slow paced, relaxing and joyful. From the time we checked in, to the time I first held her in my arms.... it was all on my terms. I was the one who made the decision to have another cesarian. I was the one to make the decision to have her on 12-12-08. I was the one to look in her eyes and KNOW she would be ok. I was the one who held her all night so she would know she wasnt alone. It was from the day she was born she had me wrapped around her finger. I remember those night sleeping on the couch for the first 3-4 months with her on my chest. I remember watching her in her billi bed, feeling so helpless and sad for my baby girl. Heaaring her cry and not be able to pick her up and hold her, and her know that I was there. I remember when I could hold her, and how I refused to let her down for the first 24 hours after that. I remember how good it made me feel to be able to push through the hardest times, and continue with breastfeeding and feeling so accomplished.

This year has flown by, and I honestly can say I cant imagine my life without my sweet angel Khloe Ann. I love waking up in the morning, knowing she is there. Even if she is not awake, just seeing her there fills my soul with more love than I thought I could have for such a little girl. Before she came, I was really worried that I wouldnt be able to love another body like I love TC. I just couldnt fathom it. I had another thing coming the minute I held her. Something only a mother can know.